1x07.5 - interlude -

MAE:

Listen, I don’t want to disrupt your, uh. Your order of things. Char said there was an established order, so, uh, consider this an interlude, rather than an intrusion, I guess?

I thought I might as well, y’know? Because, um. Uh. Hm. I’m not sure what this next clause should be, right? Because, because, because. There are a few becauses, and all of them are hard to explain. Everything is so hard to explain.

Because I feel obligated, because I know you talk about me on here, and, uh. Gotta claim my own narrative, said Char. She didn’t tell me–how to do that, necessarily? She just talked about my confidence issues and my sort of, uh. Confusing, nonsensical existence, and how I deserve to tell my story, but. She didn’t really ever clarify how.

Mostly because it was a monologue she was rehearsing. She said it was directed at me. It’s from her one act. And, uh, I took it to heart, but wasn’t sure how, and I didn’t ask? But I thought that maybe this would be good? So. So, so, so.

So. Hi! It’s me. How are you doing? Because I’m–I’m doing about as poorly as you’d expect. Sorry. I don’t wanna be a bummer or anything, I’m–I’ve been trying to be a positive person, because, hey, I’m not, like, living in constant fear, now. Well, not entirely. But. Um. Yes. But. I’m trying to be positive, so. I’m gonna inch away from bumming you guys out and instead move onto, uh.

Talking. Yes. Talking with words. Cool. I’m so, so bad at that, but, hey, I’m trying! Every day is a new adventure, right?

[sigh]

So. You guys sort of know what’s going on, and, uh, I can confirm all of that. Not, uh, all of it, but–you get my point. There are a bunch of universes, and mine sucks particularly badly, and yours sucks less so. And that’s cool! I love that, because now, uh, now I’m here. And I’m doing good. I’m happy and I can look at the sunset without my eyes hurting and there are so many more dogs here, guys, like–I didn’t realize how good dogs were, I was, uh, I was afraid of them as a kid because–well. I don’t wanna get into that. But I like the dogs here. They’re nicer.

I’m always nervous when I speak. It’s not a habit of fear, but of–I don’t know. It’s just a part of my voice, it’s–not important. I don’t want to keep dismissing things, but that’s something I don’t have an answer for. That’s just my voice, that’s just me. It’s not an alien thing either, or–whatever you call them. Here are what my Alien Things are, in case you’re curious:

  1. Sometimes my voice goes all static-y and I can’t control what I say. It fuckin’ sucks. Also, it interferes with electrical signals. Which is fun. Very fun.
  2. I don’t know who Zooey Deschanel is and I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to. Please don’t tell me. I want to figure this out by myself, and also, I get all static-y when people try. But, uh. It’s all good I think?
  3. I can stare at the sun without it hurting. Charlotte says that it hurts, and so does pretty much everyone?
  4. I can change shit on the full moon? That’s cool. I didn’t know I could do that. Because we don’t have a moon over there.
  5. I don’t know what I can change, but I did set something aflame last time. So. Um. That’s cool. Kinda scary. But ultimately, very cool. I don’t know what to do with it. Or how to do anything with it.
  6. When I eat vanilla, I get sick. Maybe that’s just allergies, though? I don’t know. I–I really don’t. That’s dumb. Sorry.
  7. I’m very good at Mario Kart. That’s probably not an alien thing, but it warrants bragging, so I’m considering it one. Because I can kick all of you fools’ asses at it, just me and my little turtle man.

I can’t describe the process of getting over here. I’m fairly sure I physically can’t, but even mentally it’s difficult, y’know? I found a tool, and I used it. I was trying to get out, and I found a way to do it. I’m very good at finding things. It wasn’t a machine so much as a giant orb of light. And I was–I was drawn to it. Like a moth. That’s the only simile I have off the top of my head.

And I touched it, and I woke up, and I was–I was alone. In the hallway of a school. Of the school. But it felt different. Felt–less so. And more so, at once, but in a good way.

Less and more so, of course, referring to the vibes. All about vibes.

So, going on said vibes, I, uh, snuck around, and I put together a story. I took an improv class once. We do have improv, over there.

I’m Mae Babson, I said, on New Year’s Day, when I ran into an administrator, because that much is true. I’m new. Which was partially true.

She said, of course, and she looked dizzy at the sight of me.

And I said, I’m going to start here with the new term, and she said, of course. I said, I just want to get a lay of the land, and so on, and so on, and so on. I’m not a good liar. I got a C in my improv class because I cried at the mandatory performance.

I found an empty dorm at Lands, snuck in, and I started putting things together. We all had our conspiracy boards. I think that’s fair of all of us. I’m very big on diagrams, on mine. Love me a diagram.

But. Back to the narrative, off of that–dumb, stupid dumb tangent.

And then, I went to school, and then–well. And then, here we are. So. I don’t really–

I don’t know. I just–I heard that this helps. Talking about whatever happened to you. To me. Um. Um. Um.

So. This is where I leave you. I’m–I’m okay. I’m doing good. I’m getting better. I’m here and I’m alive and I’m–all of those things. I have friends and–I’m just–

I’m grateful. And I’m scared. And I need you guys to know that. I know that–that I’ve been caught. People have noticed that I’m gone. And it’s–

I didn’t think people would notice that I was gone.

I’m afraid that people have noticed that I’m gone.

I’m–

Done talking. Keep on learning, keep on talking, I–

Thank you. For everything.

Bee Hyland